Hour Glass

Zoe arrived in her room and threw herself onto the bed. She could not remember the last time she had been this happy. The last few months had been hell for her.

The first time her hallucinations began, she was alone at the subway. She was on her way to a medical convention in a new state, and for once she was looking forward to something. As she stood there waiting for her train to arrive, she saw him. Mattie was standing there. She did not know his name then, but she recognised him. As soon as she noticed him, he started to walk away. She could not quite put a finger on it, but she knew the boy. Whether it was her caregiver instinct or just her nature, she could not tell, but a voice deep down was urging her to reach out to him. She decided to follow him, and with a few minutes to spare before her departure, she convinced herself she could make it. The boy was not in a hurry, and it seemed as if he was leading her somewhere. As she followed him through the tunnels, suddenly she could not make out where she was. It was not just that she had lost her way, but she did not remember why or how she got here. Her head started spinning, and she started to get flashes of what were either memories or more hallucinations. There was blood in her hands, doors were closing, and she was all alone. She started to cry. The screams in her head got loud, too loud. Her consciousness came back in a busy subway station. Too many people; she needed air. She saw Mattie disappear into the crowd. She pushed her way through the crowd into a rather secluded area. She was alone. Suddenly, she felt so cold. Her head was heavy, and she suddenly felt so tired. She could not stay upright, and the last thing she saw was her head falling to the floor.

That was a few months ago; now she needed a long shower and some music to help her calm down. Gryffin had left over an hour ago to meet with a client, and he wouldn’t be back until evening. She needed to distract herself before her mind started to wander again. She started to arrange her clothes in the wardrobe. They were going to be here for at least a few days. She heard a knock on the door, and she opened the door to meet a cheery attendant.
The attendant was holding a platter in her hands, and Zoe let her come in. She walked across the room and set the platter on the night table as she opened it to reveal a glass of milk, some cookies, and a sachet of painkillers. The attendant looked at her with a warm smile.
“Mr Scott said to bring you these.” With that, she left the room. Zoe could not help but blush. The blush faded as she remembered the last time someone brought a tray like that to her, when she came to after fainting at the subway.

---

The room was brightly lit. Zoe was disoriented and could not remember getting there. “Hey, where am I?” she asked the nurse. “Oh, you are awake. You are at the hospital right now. How are you feeling?” “Which hospital?” “Hillstone, ma’am.”
The nurse smiled. Why was she smiling? Was she happy about Zoe’s current state? Zoe wanted to lash out at her but suddenly, her urge to be rude was washed away by the guilt that flooded her mind. She had been having mood swings, and she did not like the person she was becoming. There were days when she was just overwhelmed by everything. Her mind could not make out a single positive thought to outweigh the dark convictions she was having. Her life was over. She wanted it to be over. The little things she enjoyed no longer brought her joy. Her favourite meals and snacks lost their taste; her happy place became a bad memory of the beautiful life she once had. Even the people around her, instead of reminding her that she was not alone, reminded her that she would only cause them pain once her life was over. She became avoidant and distant, all in an effort to be considerate and let them down slowly. It was the kind of person she was. She never put herself above others, and she was hurt most by causing pain to others.

“The doctor will be with you shortly; just confirm that nothing hurts.” Oh, right, the nurse was still talking to her.
“Yeah, I am okay, just a bit fatigued,” she replied, hoping she had not offended her. She did feel a bit of an ache in her lower rib; it must have been from when she fell. She had felt far worse pain, however, and did not think much about it. The nurse motioned to her tray of meds on the side table and asked if she needed help with it. Of course, she said she was fine. She was not. She was a person who had woken up in a hospital after passing out on a subway. How did she even get here?
“Nurse?” she called, and then noticed her name tag. “Maline, how did I get here?” “A woman called the hospital.”
“Did she give any details, her name, anything? I would really like to thank her.” “Well, no, she did mention that a boy had led her to you, but he disappeared shortly after.”

Could it be? Was it the same boy she had seen? It turned out he was the one who ended up looking out for her. The nurse did not seem to have information. She helped Zoe up and left, as she still had to attend to other patients. Zoe was alone once again.

---

Alone. She had done practically everything she could do in her hotel room. She did not want to go out because deep down she knew she might get lost. If that happened, she would just get overwhelmed, and she did not want to ruin her streak of good feelings. She wanted to watch a movie, but she did not want to watch one alone. Movies were the one thing in her life she had never watched alone. It was either her parents or Amber or… She could not remember. She did not want to pressure herself, but she was starting to remember someone. However, in her current state, she could not distinguish between memories and hallucinations. Not today; she was not going to let her blurry and agonizing past ruin this trip for her and Gryffin.

But she missed him. Over the last couple of days, it had been him and her against everything wrong with her. Then it occurred to her that she would also leave him soon. That no matter how good this gets, the best she could become was a distant memory to him. But that was not what scared her the most. She was scared that if he learnt about her condition. That if he knew her hourglass only had a few minutes left, he would walk out on her. She had to keep it together until she was sure he was not just being kind. She did not have much hope for this, but she hoped nonetheless. That before she breathed her last, someone would love her the way she deserved.

She decided to start her bath. Maybe this would calm her down. She kept a smile on her face as she looked out her window. If all those people could get out of their houses and face the day, she could get through a few hours on her own. She turned on the tap and watched as the water rose. As it did, she splashed some of it on herself to check the temperature. But the splashing. She could see herself alone in a bath. The water was red. This was not a memory; this had happened. She knew for a fact that this was something she went through. Whose blood was it? Why was she alone? When did this happen? Or maybe she was still hallucinating. It was going to happen; she could feel her body lose stability, her head get heavy, and her mind stop. She collapsed, hitting her head on the edge of the ceramic bath. She turned her head in pain while the lights flooded her eyes. Maybe if she shut them, she would feel better.

---

“Hey.” Zoe opened her eyes. She was at Hillstone after collapsing at the subway.
“Good morning, Zoe. I am Doctor Anderson. How are you feeling now?”
“I am okay, Doctor. In fact, I am a doctor myself, but I seem rather clueless about what is going on with me.”
“Oh, that is great. Which field are you in?”
“Oncologist.”
“Pardon my ignorance, but you seem rather young for an oncologist.”
“I started at nineteen in a combined college and medical school program, didn’t have a lot going on, so school was all I did.”
“Still, I don’t mean to be rude, but you are still quite young.”
“Yeah, I guess I am something of a prodigy. I am still learning, of course, but I am working now too.” The words came out more like bragging. Zoe thought back on them and could not help but feel bad. It was unlike her.
“Well, Zoe, I have some news for you.” Panic was building up on Zoe’s face. She had been studying Anderson’s expressions and could tell that the news was not going to be good. “What is it, doctor? What is the diagnosis?”
“Zoe.” He paused and breathed. “You have glioblastoma. It’s a-”
“I know what glioblastoma is.” Zoe looked up at Anderson and saw his concerned face. “I am sorry.”
“It’s okay. We need to start treatment as soon as possible; we can still-”
Zoe’s mind went blank for a moment. She could see Dr Anderson’s lips move, but that was all. She had been in this field for a while and knew very well what glioblastoma was. The chances of survival were low, but maybe if she started treatment, she could still put up a fight. But what for? Her life was just school and work and occasionally watching a child lose their life to cancer. There was no point.
“I’ll think about it. For now, I want to go home. Please.”

---

Gryffin was silently pleading with Mrs Herrera to stop talking. He was in a meeting with her as she talked about the type of pictures she wanted of her new ranch. This was one of the most expensive purchases in the city, and she had been featured in The Wealthy, a magazine that communicated the lavish lives of the top one percent. She therefore wanted everything to be perfect. They had done this for about three to four hours, and she kept repeating details to him. He had already gathered what she wanted and had even expressed this to her.
“No, no, you must have a quality photo, with the camera turned on the long side showing the stables. It must show the marble strips between the concrete. I would have put full marble, but my assistant said the horses may trip. We do not want that now, do we?” She seemed to know everything except how to listen. He could, however, not complain. It was jobs like these that gave him so much free time to explore his other interests. After this, he would probably go on vacation. He deserved it. He wondered if Zoe would want to come. In fact, he was thinking about her this whole time. What was she doing? Had she eaten yet?
“Young man, are you getting all that?” Gryffin turned and saw Mrs Herrera still talking. She was discussing the roof and how it was important that its photos be taken in the morning because of geometric reasons and the sun’s position. He looked at his phone, and it was almost time. He had never wanted anything to end the way he wanted this to. That is why you do not meet the people on top. His screen went off, and then it lit up again. This time it was the hotel customer care number. He did not want to be rude to Mrs Herrera, but still, it was odd that the hotel would call him.
“Can I get this? It won’t take long.” Before she could say another word, he rose to his feet and excused himself. From the look on her face, she was probably going to say no. “Hello, Mr Scott?”
“Speaking.”
“Please get to Highway Hospital; it’s an emergency.”
He did not need to hear any more. He got in his car and drove off. Mrs Herrera could only watch. He was probably driving past red lights; he could not tell. His mind could only think that Zoe was not okay. His reckless driving had not gone unnoticed. He could hear sirens behind him, but this made him think about ambulances, and that just made him drive even faster. This was all his fault. He should have taken her to the hospital. He should have. Why didn’t he? His mind was only on the road when he switched lanes to avoid incoming cars. The police officer was some way off and was clearly struggling to keep up. Then he saw traffic building up ahead. He looked at his maps to see if there were alternative routes, but most were busy with traffic. Before he could even drive back, he was locked in by the cars behind him. He was stuck. Typical. He was about a ten-minute drive away and could not tell how long this traffic was going to take.
“COME ON!” Drivers around him were getting impatient, and the honking was now competing with his thoughts. He could not think. Zoe, what had happened to her? He jumped out of his car and started to run. It would probably take him twenty-five minutes to thirty, but he needed to get there fast. A mixed reaction from the drivers around him could be heard, with some cheering him on while some were screaming at his thoughtless behaviour. Noise. It was all noise; he needed to get to the hospital. He ran to the front of the traffic and realised the magnitude of the congestion. He might have been there a while. The sirens behind him had also died out, but his assumption was that they no longer needed to chase him. They had his car. He could not think about this; he could not even think about the state of his own body. He just needed to get to her.

He arrived at the hospital sweaty, disoriented, and out of breath.
“Where is she?” The receptionist watched him as he tried to catch his breath.
“Which patient are you here for, sir?”
“Zoe!”
“I will need a surname or a maiden name.”
“Zoe Cavazza.”
“Okay, let me just check that. She is in Room 114.”
“Where is that?”
“Third floor, to your right.” He ran to the elevator and noticed the ‘Elevator out of order’ sign.
He turned to look at the receptionist as if asking why the hospital elevator was broken. She mouthed “Sorry,” as Gryffin ran up the stairs. He opened the door and saw Zoe lying unconscious. The nurse was by her side and advised him against touching her.
“Please, sir, she is okay.”
“Why is there a bandage on her head?”
“Sir, please calm down; the doctor will be back with the report in a few minutes. If you could just go and clean yourself up a bit.”
“Oh, I am so sorry. Is she okay?”
“Yes, she is stable, just unconscious at the moment.”

With the reassurance, Gryffin left the room to go clean himself up. He came back shortly after, arriving a few minutes before the doctor.
“Good afternoon, I am Dr Pash,” he said as he extended his hand. “You must be Mr Scott. The hotel gave us your contact. Are you Ms Cavazza’s partner?” The doctor gripped his hand tightly and then released it.
“Yes, how is she?”
“She is okay now, but how could you leave her alone like that? In fact, why has she not had any treatment since her diagnosis over three months ago?” Gryffin looked at the doctor and repeated his words in his head. What was he talking about?
“Patients with her condition should not be left alone. She needs you now more than ever.” “What do you mean, Doctor?”
“Her glioblastoma is getting worse by the day.”
“Glioblastoma? What is that?”
“She has a rapidly growing tumour in her brain. She probably has a few months left.” Gryffin turned to look at Zoe as her breathing got heavy. Did she know?
“What do you mean a few months left?”
“I am sorry, it’s terminal. It’s already hard to treat with an early diagnosis, but now it has grown worse. Have you not noticed the signs, the headaches, mood swings, irritation, seizures? From the looks of it, it’s also affecting her memory.”
“What can be done? Something can be done, right? Right!”
“Gryffin, I do not know what is going on; I do not know why she has not had treatment yet. But it is too late now. You need to take care of her; you cannot let her move around too much. She needs to slow down. She is on her end-of-life timeline. I am sorry.”
“No.” Zoe’s faint voice sliced the silence. Gryffin turned around to see her struggling to get up. He ran and knelt beside her. “Hey, just calm down.” Gryffin helped Zoe sit upright. She was still holding her head from the concussion.
“What happened?”
“I fell and hit my head on the bath. I guess the room flooded, and that is how they found me.”
“I will leave you two then,” the doctor said as he motioned towards the door.

Gryffin studied Zoe as she hung her head and thought hard. He wished he could read her thoughts; maybe then he would know her memories and narrate her life to her when she forgot. She suddenly raised her head and looked at Dr Pash.
“Hey,” she called out. “Is it true that the tumour is affecting my memory?”
“Yes, it is, and I think you have experienced this too,” the doctor said, walking back in. “Last week, I got into an Uber and gave the driver the wrong location. But now I feel this was not the wrong location; it was a location from the past. But I cannot remember anything else.”
“That is quite interesting; maybe it has affected your timeline. We would need to run tests. Also, it may be harder for you to form new memories.” Gryffin looked at Zoe as she hung her head low again. He now knew she was forgetting the past, and there was a chance she would not even remember the future. He could see this was becoming a bit too much for her, but he felt relief. Maybe there was still hope, but for now he needed to be grounded. He needed to be here for her. She looked up, and he could tell she had made up her mind. “Doctor, I heard you say that I should slow down. What if it were you in my condition? There is a whole world out there, and I just have a few months left. I will not slow down. I will not spend my last days rotting on my deathbed. I will go out there, and I will live my last days, and you cannot stop me. They say our life flashes before us for seven minutes after our heart stops. I don’t need a lifetime; I just need seven minutes of memories.”

Dr Pash looked at her, then at the chart in his hand. He breathed slowly as a smile flickered on his face.
“You are right,” he said. “At this point, we encourage consoling the family, but I think more memories are a better consolation. You will be on strict medication, and Mr Scott here, Gryffin, will see to it that you adhere to all my prescriptions.” Zoe looked at Gryffin and a shy smile formed on her face.
“We will still need to run some more tests for a few days. Please take care of yourself, Zoe.”

The doctor walked out, and Zoe gave Gryffin a tight hug. He pulled back as soon as he heard her sobbing.
“Hey, what’s going on? Why did you not tell me?” “I thought you would leave.” Then she pulled back and looked at him. “Wait, are you going to leave me?”
“You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you.” She hugged him again. This time it was not tight. It was her letting him know that she was ready to let go and trust him fully. “We should probably go to the police.” Zoe’s eyes rose to meet his. “Why are we going to the police?”
“Let’s just say I might or might not have left my car on the highway. I do not even remember locking it.”
“What? How did that happen?”
“Well, do I have a story for you? But first, you need to get some rest.” “Oh, come on, no fair.”
“Well, I will be here the entire time. So you do not have to worry about falling off the bed. Does that sound better?”
“I’ll only fall off trying to reach you.”
“Then I will be outside.”
“Gryffin!”