You are Crazy

Zoe’s eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light. Her head was pounding like an alarm clock. As her vision cleared, she looked up and noticed a tiled white and blue ceiling. She might not have known what had been happening in her life for the past twenty-four hours, but she knew for certain that this was not her apartment. Her eyes started searching, darting to the right, then to the left. Where was she? What was this place? She quickly leaped to a sitting position. With a clear view of the entire room, she was certain. She had never been here before. Had she? She did not remember coming to bed or going to sleep. She did understand that she met a man yesterday and he let her into his house, but this was not it. Could it be? The only possible explanation was that the house was raided last night, and she was kidnapped. No one could blame her for jumping to the worst possible conclusion. For her, that might have been a good thing. Someone wanted her enough to kidnap her. She did not panic, but she jumped out of bed, eyes glued to the door in case she had to throw hands before her feet touched the floor. What was bizarre was that her feet never touched the floor. Instead, they landed on something rather alive. Her reflexes got the best of her, and she jumped back on the bed. A man was now groaning on the floor. He was now waking up, and before she knew it, he was staring straight at her, sleepy and maybe mad, like someone had just stepped on him. What was she going to do? Just then she got a really good idea: to scream. It started with screaming at this man, but then everything else happening to her began to flood her mind. Her miserable, lonely life that included watching children occasionally die. Her rather uneventful love life, as she had issues fully letting go of her traumas, and not to mention her almost sudden death in three months. Three months is all she had left, according to Dr. Owen. That was if her tumor ‘behaved’, whatever that meant. So maybe this was her last scream, and she would savour every cry. “Hey, please stop screaming, I don’t want to hurt you!” The man said, with considerable effort to make his voice less threatening. “I mean I won’t hurt you!” He said, correcting his former statement. That voice though- that voice was known to her. In fact, it was the same voice from last night. “Gryffin?” She finally said after what was like three minutes of screaming. “Yes, yes, it’s me!” He replied almost instinctively, but then realised that he had never introduced himself to her. “How do you know my name?” The confusion in his voice threw her off. What did he mean? She knew his name. Did the two of them not eat dinner together last night? Were they not acquainted less than twenty-four hours ago? For her, the most pressing question was what happened to his house? Was this a different house or the same one they were in last night? Suddenly, her mind was the Shibuya crossing of all these questions that she could not make sense of. “You are Gryffin; we met last night?” It came out more like a question than a statement. She did not know what was happening, and it was probably best to hear what Gryffin had to say. “True, but meeting is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” With that, he realised her confusion seemed to grow. Maybe she did not remember anything. “You fainted, I found you lying on the curb, and I decided to help you…” He was still talking, trying to explain to her what had happened, but why was he lying? Why would he say this to her? Did he want to look like some sort of hero? Did he really take her to be this naive? She held on to this belief, this certainty, because it was the only logical explanation: he was lying. “…do you remember anything?” He finally finished searching her eyes for any form of familiar ground. “A boy, his name is Mattie, he said he was your son!” That seemed to shake him a bit. Not in the way she wanted, but it definitely did something. He stopped to process the weight of what she was saying. “Ma’am, I am sorry, but I do not have a son.” With that, her world started to crumble into bits of a thriller novel. Her side of the story was becoming more and more fantasy while his side started to make sense. Mattie never came back home; did he lie about Gryffin’s status? Did they even know each other? That did not mean that he did not lead her here. But this was not the same house. What was happening? Had she finally lost it? Was she going to spend the remaining three months of her life in a mental institution? She looked up at him and looked for the faintest sign he was lying. She had never wanted someone to be lying as much as she did now. But his glare was solid and unwavering. He was either telling the truth or believed he was. She fell apart; still on the bed, she fell to her knees and started to cry. Before he could attend to her, the doorbell rang, and he looked at her almost for permission to answer the door. She nodded, and he jumped out of the room. She heard his footsteps fading down the stairs, and a while later she heard a different voice, feminine this time. Maybe it was Amber; did he call her? With her sight blurry with tears, she hurried downstairs to confirm her suspicions. She said a silent prayer, hoping to see at least one familiar person. She walked down to see Gryffin talking to another woman. From the looks of it, they were about to come up. It was not Amber; she was thinner and probably shorter. Her hair was also black, and she… Zoe could not keep track of all the differences. Was she here from the mental asylum? Did Gryffin already give up on her sanity? She was not going to get those answers in her mind. She needed to ask these questions. “Hey, I am Eva.” She said before Zoe could say anything. God, her voice was so beautiful; she probably was not dying. Zoe walked the final steps of the staircase and extended her hand to meet hers. Good, she now knew another stranger named Eva. Who was Eva and why was she here? What did she want with her? For a second, she forgot this was not her apartment. “Eva is a nurse. She helped me bring you in last night; she is here to check up on you.” So Eva was also there. Gryffin’s side of the story had even more proof. Maybe she had dreamt her side; it was expected to have these hallucinations at this stage of her sickness. But it felt so real. “How do you feel?” Eva asked politely. It was that beautiful kind voice of hers that made Zoe feel guilty for what she was about to say. She decided not to tell Eva she felt like a walking corpse, no, a walking crazy corpse. “I am fine, just a little dizzy.” She was, in fact, not fine. Her head was spinning, and her feeble construct of reality was not making things better. But if she had gathered anything from both Gryffin and Eva, it was that none of them knew she was sick. Good, they did not run tests or take her to the hospital. She did not want to have to burden any of them with her dying; she had clearly been enough trouble within her short stay here. “These are for you; they should help with the headaches,” Eva said as she handed her a package of what was probably prescription drugs. “Call me in case of anything.” She said to Gryffin as he turned to walk her out. Her words suddenly reminded Zoe of something Amber had said. Now she wished she had returned all those messages. That she had asked Amber to pick her up. That she had not forgotten everything that identified her in the back of some Uber. Gryffin shut the door and walked towards her. He had clearly never had a stranger of Zoe’s needs in his house before. “Do you need anything? Are you ¿Bueno?” That phrase. She had heard it before. She knew it. But she couldn’t remember where. For a moment she was somewhere else. Someone else. And then she was back. She shook it off. She did not know how to answer the latter, so she chose to communicate her need. “A phone, do you have a phone?” If she got a phone, she could call Amber, and she would know what to do. Gryffin reached out to his pants pockets and handed her his cell phone after unlocking it. She noticed the wallpaper for just a moment. A boy on a bicycle. Something about it tugged at her chest. A memory she couldn’t reach. She pushed it away. She didn’t have time for déjà vu. She found the phone app and started to dial Amber’s number. ‘+000 345 277 5.’ No! Not this again! She knew she was writing the right thing, but this was not complete. It was missing a few numbers on it. “What is the standard number of numbers for a mobile phone number?” She asked Gryffin. She had no memory of forming the question. It was as if her panic was speaking for her. She stopped and thought how dumb that must have sounded. ‘He definitely thinks I am crazy’, she thought to herself, but found the courage to look at Gryffin anyway. He did not look like he judged her. He probably understood her state of confusion. “It’s twelve.” He finally said as he was making coffee. What he didn’t know was that he had confirmed yet another of her fears. She did not remember her sister’s number. She only knew the first ten numbers while the last two eluded her. She decided to guess and hope for the best. She was probably going to get it right out of muscle memory. ‘+000 345 277 538’ She called. It was ringing. “Hello!” A voice said from the other side. She was sure this was not Amber but decided to try her luck. Maybe she gave someone her phone? “Is Amber around?” She asked. “I am sorry, ma’am, but who is this?” “This is her sister…” Before she even said her name, she was interrupted. “Sorry, you must have the wrong number!” The call was disconnected before she could bargain yet again with reality. Luck really did not owe her anything. She tried five more numbers before she fell to her knees yet again in a stranger’s house. Gryffin ran to her. It was as if he learned that asking questions at this point would be useless. He picked her up and did not even ask what happened. He did not need to. He could see what it had done to her. “I forgot my sister’s number.” She started. He just looked at her, not judging. He just looked at her, maybe to let her know he was here. “I mean, I know the first ten, but I forgot the last two.” Her voice was interrupted by sobs at every conjunction. “The last person I called even called me crazy.” Gryffin just pulled her towards him, hugging her tight. As if he had seen her train of thought and knew it would only derail her being. You do not give words to someone who needs a hug. “Do you want to take a walk?” That was all the invitation she needed. They had been walking for a few minutes, and Zoe had finally stopped crying. She was still questioning why life had been so cruel to her the past few hours. Furthermore, she was still trying to understand what had happened. How did she know Gryffin’s name? That was the most concerning thing on her mind at the moment. If what he said was right, then it meant that before this morning they had never had any form of interaction. Were some of her hallucinations reality while others were just her mind playing games? At the moment she had nothing to hold on to. None of it made sense. They had been walking in silence for a while now, and she wondered if she should strike up a conversation. What would she even say? “I’m sorry, but I haven’t really asked.” Gryffin finally said, looking at her almost to prepare her for his next question. “What is your name?” Oh no! It was expected because throughout their time together she had either been unconscious or crying. But this further proved that he was not acting. He really didn’t know her. They never had a conversation yesterday. How do you hallucinate a conversation with a person you have never met? She did not want to think about this whole thing. The purpose of this walk was to clear her mind. So far she had not done that. “My name is Zoe.” She paused. She didn’t know why she just left it at Zoe. “Just Zoe.” He nodded. He didn’t ask for more. He didn’t know he needed to. She froze in place as she saw him. Mattie! There he was on his bike. So maybe she had not hallucinated everything. Maybe Gryffin was lying. The boy had just turned the corner, and he was going in the same direction a few steps ahead of them. Zoe did not wait for a start gun. She immediately started running to catch up with him. “Mattie!!!” She called at the top of her voice as she closed the gap between them. Gryffin was now running behind Zoe. The boy, upon realising this, started to paddle faster. Did she scare him? She did not understand why Mattie would be scared of her. He helped her last night. He said he did not trust fear, so why was he running? He finally came to a stop outside a house and ran inside. Zoe finally reached the gate of a well-fenced bungalow. Her naive heart believed that any second Mattie would come out to meet her. With her construct of reality fading away, all she had was raw hope. Moments later, he came out with a woman by his side. She looked at Zoe, whose fragile frame and reddish eyes probably made her look like a crackhead. Gryffin was just arriving at the scene. “Why are you chasing my son?” It was only now that Zoe looked at the boy. That was not him. That was not Mattie. “I…I..Uhm.” Maybe it was because she was out of breath or just out of her mind, but she could not form a single sentence. “For heaven’s sake, you look old enough to be his mother. You really have no shame…” The woman kept talking. She really had no shortage of things to say to her. Zoe’s head started spinning. She could not hear a single thing the woman was saying. She could make out words from her lips. “…help…police.” The world started to move in slow motion, at least the world out of her mind. She saw Gryffin come between her and the woman who was about to get physical. Gryffin managed to subdue her. She could not hear them, but she saw the moving lips of the woman. She formed the words ‘you are crazy’ as Gryffin escorted her back inside. She saw the face of the scared boy, and something in her broke. ‘You are old enough to be his mother.’ Those words ripped her heart inside out. Was she really crazy? Her body became weak, as if suddenly realizing that she had stage four cancer. For a second, her entire body had been pushed by something other than her, but that was now over. She could feel her body start to fall again. Gryffin came running and held her at knee level. None of them knew what to say. She just felt sorry for him. A stranger now having to deal with her episodes. Why was he so nice to her? Why did he do all this for her? He didn’t have to; he knew that, right? But for now she could not think anymore. She just sat there, in his arms. The place she was now feeling more and more comfortable. A place where there was no judgement. Where logic ended, and living began. She leaned in closer and started to breathe again. Any of these could be her last. She needed to start living again. It would be unfair for death to come for a corpse. She didn’t know how long they sat there. Minutes. Hours. She could not tell. When she finally pulled back, her face was wet and so was his shirt. Her eyes were red and her sight blurry. She couldn’t look at him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Don’t be.” She looked up. His face was soft. He was not angry at her; neither did he look at her with pity, not like Owen had. He just looked at her yet again as if saying I am here. “I don’t know where to go,” she said. “I don’t know anything anymore. I left everything in that Uber, and now I do not even know if half the things I am experiencing are real.” “Well, we will figure it out together, I promise.” With that, he took her hand. He did not need her to ask him. He was going to help. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go home.”